Headlights
by WinchesterGal2015
Summary: This story is mostly a bunch of memories of Sam and Dean that match Eminem's song headlights. I did change a few words in the lyrics since it says mom quite a bit, but please read and review I know you'll love it! :D


**Supernatural Headlights**

_'Mom, I know I let you down.._

_And though you say the days are happy...'_

Dean was upstairs in his bed asleep. When he heard his mother, Mary, on the phone. He could hear her down stairs arguing with someone. It was pretty one-sided so who ever she was fighting with was probably on the phone. Dean looks at her sadly. "When is dad coming home?" He asked.

"I don't know sweetie..." Mary says sadly her eyes filling with tears.

"Is he mad at you mommy?" He asked. She shakes her head. "Me?"

"No, of course he isn't angry about you Dean, your father loves you." She tells him gently.

"Then why won't he come back mom?" Dean asked. He was only a child, and he couldn't understand. Another baby meant more money, and that was just money they didn't have. She couldn't tell her four year old son that though, he wasn't dumb. He'd put 2 and 2 together and figure out he was costing them money as well.

Mary smiled softly at her son and picked him up. "He will come back, don't you worry." She walked over to her rocking chair and began to rock and softly sing to her son the beetles song 'Hey Jude'. Dean slowly fell to sleep in his mother's arms, and she finally was able to cry softly. It was as if he knew she was crying because he hugged on to her tighter. She smiled, her little man always looking out for her.

#

_'Why is the power off, and I'm fucked up?'_

Sam is 8 years old and sitting on the motel bed doing some simple math homework. Dean is 13 years old and throwing knives at a target on the wall, something he did to practice for when he was older and ready for a hunt. He told Sam however, it was to impress girls.

Dean throws another knife which hits a little above the bulls eye. "Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, isn't it Dean?" Sam asked.

"Yeah," Dean responded he threw the next knife pretty hard, and it hit in the middle. Dean had always hated this holiday. It was the one families were supposed to be together on, and ironically it was the holiday his father made sure to never be home. He understood though, him mother had died around this time, he wouldn't want to celebrate it either. But ever since Sammy started school he had wanted to at least try Thanksgiving out. He walked over to the target and took the three knives out.

"Do you think dad will be home in time?" Sam asked.

"No," Dean said and threw another knife to hard. He may have been older and able to deal with it better than Sam, but that didn't mean he never wanted to celebrate it. Not to mention the fact that whenever his dad was out around this time, he was doing something wreck less like drinking and driving. It only made him worry more too. What would he do if his dad died? He couldn't take care of Sam, he wouldn't be able to feed him. He'd have to hand him over to the government, and somehow that thought just seemed to escape his father every time this month came around.

"Dean, why's dad always leaving?" Sam wonders. Sam was just a kid he didn't know much of anything of what their dad did except abandon them way too often. He was pretty sure that's not what normal people do, but he didn't have much to go off of. He didn't have many friends since they moved so much, so he never really got comfortable enough to anyone to see what their family life was like.

"He has an important job to do, Sam, you know that." Dean said dead pan as if that had been drilled into him.

"I know but what does he do!" Sam whined looking up from his paper at his older brother.

"It's a secret, I'll tell you when you're older." Dean explained somewhat. Sam crossed his arms and laid down on the bed.

After about six minutes Sam was fighting sleep. "Why can't we just be normal?" Sam asked frustratingly. Then he drifted off to sleep.

"I don't know Sammy.. I don't know..." Dean sighed.

#

_'And Mom (dad), I know (s)he's not around, But don't you place the blame on me, As you pour yourself another drink..'_

Sam is sitting on a motel bed looking at his laptop that has pictures of colleges and information about them. "Dean what do you think of this one, Harvard?" Sam asked.

Dean glanced over at the screen. "That's nice, Sammy." Dean said. Then went back to his research.

"I don't know. I just don't think this one is for me." Sam told him. He knew his brother was only half listening to him, probably not even that, but it was nice talking to someone who didn't blow up every time he mentioned the word. "I like this Stanford one." Sam says to which he receives a nod.

"Me too, it's a really nice book Sammy." Dean said and flipped another page. He was trying to figure out what the hell was out there that was eating people's brains.

Sam sighs like he said, probably less than half. His dad walks in from his room in the motel. "It doesn't matter you aren't going anyways." His father said.

"Yes I am." Sam said and sitting up. "You can't stop me."

"I'm not going through this again with you, Sam. You're not going!" John's voice is hard as he speaks to his son. It didn't matter what Sam did he would not let him go. He couldn't have his son out there all alone.. with those things. It wasn't safe. Sam was so naïve sometimes too, sometimes he always thought he knew everything and he knew that a demon could play that against him easily.

Dean looked up at that. Dad was yelling and Sam looked like he was ready to yell too, which was never good.

"You cannot control me my whole life! I'm going to leave as soon as I'm old enough and there is nothing you can do to stop me!" Sam yelled back. Then he got up and grabbed the brochures and laptop to go to his room in the motel.

Dean watched his little brother as he did this. "C'mon Sam, don't be mad." Dean said trying to diffuse the situation. John and Sam had this fight so many times ever since Sam had entered high school. Sam never wanted this life, but dad would never let him go willingly, because he didn't think it was safe. "Can't we just-"

"So you'd let whatever is out there that killed your mother walk, just so you can go to some stupid college, when she went into that room to save you." John said, he knew he had crossed a line everyone did. He could tell by the way Dean stared at him like he had just cut some dog's head off for absolutely no reason. Sam was standing in the door way of the room he was about to go into fuming.

Sam wanted to punch his father right in the face. It was ridiculous how he acted sometimes! Sam turned on his heel and walked over to his father looking him in the eye.

"Sammy.." Dean said in a warning tone.

"Save it, Dean!" Sam said not even looking at his brother. "Do you really think mom wanted this life for us!? Are you crazy! She doesn't want her only kids out here hunting monsters when they could be in school! Why can't you see that!? All this rage and guilt your harboring in you, your incessant need to get revenge.. It's driving you up the wall! Can't you see what it's doing to all of us! I have been hunting for how many years? Just so we can find mom's killer, which we aren't even close to finding!" Sam yelled then he turned to his brother. "How much of her do you even remember, Dean?" Sam asked.

Dean turned his head, but it wasn't because he couldn't remember his mother. He remembered her find. He just hated all this arguing and he refused to take sides on the matter.

Sam shook his head. He knew his brother wasn't going to help him out, though it still hurt that he always sided with dad. John stared hard at his oldest hurt that he hadn't objected what Sam had said.

Sam turned back to his dad and shook his head. "This is a pointless journey, that is all about revenge and self-pity, that you - no we all need to let go. I'm finally seeing that. Now when are you two going to?" Sam said. Then walked off going to his room, but not before his father got to have the last words like he always did.

"You'll never understand. This isn't just about revenge. It's about the people we're saving and our love for Mary-"

"Oh and what I don't love her?" Sam asked.

John started at him hard. He clearly hadn't gotten the message. "You're not going, end of story." John said. He grabbed a bottle then left to his room and as he sat down on the bed, he could hear a lamp break.

#

_'I guess we are who we are,_

_Headlights shining in the dark night as I drive on,_

_Maybe we took this too far...'_

Dean, who's 18, is in his room asleep, his little brother Sam, who's 13, is sitting on the motel couch studying. Dean went to bed a little early, and it's about 11:00 at night right now. Dad was supposed to be gone for a salt and burn, but he hadn't come back yet and Sam had decided he'd wait just a little longer. After all it was getting close to the date when Mary died, and John would get drunk a lot during that time.

There was a knock on the door. Sam went over to door and peeked out. It was John and a liquor bottle. He opened the door. John came in and sat on the sofa. Sam looked a bit worried. He didn't like to be around his dad when he got this drunk.

"Sam.. Do you ever think back to that night of the fire?" John asked swirling the bottle around. Sam shakes his head. He had, but he didn't want to engage a conversation with his drunk father, especially not about mom. "I do, a lot." John says. "I always wonder.. What would have happened, if you weren't there?"

"What?" Sam asked hurt.

"You know I use to think it was all my fault, but I got some more information about yellow eyes. And now I know, no matter what I did, she was screwed." He finally turned his head to look at Sam. "You want to know why, Sam?" Sam shook his head again.

John got up and made his way over to his son stumbling a bit. "..because of you, as soon as you were born she was dead." He told him.

Sam shook his head furiously. His eyes were filled with unshed tears. "That's not true!"

John continued ignoring him. "You know, I always wondered why she died in your nursery. Then I finally put two and two together. Whatever it was, was after you." John explained.

Sam shook his head, "no."

"It's all your fault!" John said. Then he did something that surprised even him. He lashed out at him. He had backhanded Sam. Sam fell. He had one hand up on the wall the other holding his already beginning to bruise cheek. John knew what he did was wrong even in his drunken state, but he couldn't deny it made him feel just a tad bit better. He raised his hand to hit him again when he heard the sound of a gun cock.

He turned around to face Dean who had was pointing a gun at him, aimed for his skull. He was glaring at his father with wild and shocked eyes. After a moment his look hardened and all that was there was anger. "Step away from him."

John put his hands up. He looked from Sam to Dean. "Dean-"

"I said.. Step away from him!" Dean said. He was trembling with rage. How dare he hit his little brother. The very person he told him for years to protect. He was livid! John nodded and stepped away from Sam.

"Get up, go to your room." Dean said quickly, but a tad more gentle. Sam nodded and ran out of the room. Dean turned back to his dad. "Don't you ever.. ever hit him again!" Dean said. "Or next time I won't hesitate." John nods.

Satisfied Dean puts his gun away then walks to the Sam's room in the motel to make sure he's alright.

#

_'I went in headfirst,_

_Never thinking about who what I said hurt, in what verse,_

_My mom (brother) probably got it the worst,_

_The brunt of it, but as stubborn as we are,_

_Did I take it too far?'_

Dean, Sam, and their father are out hunting a wendiego. Sam is 15 and Dean is 20. They all stand in the freezing cold trying to hear and locate where the wendiego might be. They weren't perfectly prepared for this either. John and Dean both had guns, but Sam didn't think a vengeful spirit could be in that wide of a range so he carried a flame thrower, just in case he was right about it being a wendiego. The rusting increased as the thing got closer.

Sam saw a glimpse of it and naïvely ran out to try and get it with the flame thrower. John ran after him telling him to stop, but Sam didn't listen. He kept going. He was then flung backwards by the thing's huge hand. He hit a tree. He wasn't knocked out, but it wasn't just some gentle toss. John was smacked opposite of Sam, but he didn't hit a tree he hit the ground and rolled a bit.

This didn't look good at all for the Winchesters. John was bloody from all the rocks and twigs that had jabbed him in his tumble, and Sam was two seconds away from blacking out. He was pretty sure if he tried to get back up he'd pass out, then that'd just be more weight for dad to carry. They watched helplessly as the thing approached Dean then snatched him up and ran off. He of course didn't try the bullets; after all he didn't want to be eaten on the spot.

When the monster had left, John limped over to Sam. "What were you thinking, son?" He asked. "Because of what you did, your brother is now on the menu for that thing!" John yelled pointing at where the monster had exited.

"I didn't mean to.. I was just trying to.." Sam blinked back tears. He looked away from his father balling his fists. "It's not like I'm the only one to blame anyways!" Sam said.

"What is that supposed to mean?" John asked with a frown.

"I told you it was a wendiego, but you never listen! That's why Dean only had a gun to defend himself, and why I felt the need to run out there. I was the only one who had something that could hurt it." Sam argued.

"Are you really trying to turn this on me!?" John yelled.

Sam ignored him and reached for his flame thrower. "Get out of my face; I'm going to go save my brother." Sam said grabbing the weapon. John glared at him, but he didn't object. Sam was right they didn't have time for this; Dean could be the next one on the menu, or worse, the appetizer. Sam followed the path the beast had taken, and John followed with his flare gun.

#

_'And forever we can drag this on and on, but, agree to disagree'_

Sam is 20 and Dean is 25. Their father has been missing for a while, and they've been searching for almost just as long. They're both beginning to lose hope. They sit together in the impala driving down the road. It's raining, but it's not so much too where it's dangerous to drive.

Dean is staring at the road ahead trying to keep his thoughts anywhere but his father. Sam as always, refuses to let him just burry things. "The trail for dad has gone cold." Sam tells him. It's not as if Dean doesn't know, but he doesn't want to start a conversation off too harshly.

"I know, we just have to keep on searching. I'm sure we'll find him sooner or later." Dean tells him, just like the good little soldier he is.

Sam scoffs. "It's been months, Dean."

"You don't think I know that, Sam?" Dean asks, turning his head to Sam for a moment then back on the road. "We are going to find him."

"What if we don't, Dean? What if he's..." Sam trails off. Dean pulls the car over.

"Don't you say that to me." Dean says shaking his head. "He is not dead. We are going to find him."

"And if he really is dead?" Sam asked.

"Well then I'll keep searching till I know for sure." Dean tells him.

"Dean this is ridiculous! We've been doing nothing but working cases, and this isn't getting us any closer to finding him!" Sam says.

"Not everyone is so ready to walk out on their family like you are." Dean gives his brother a hard look as he says this to which Sam scoffs.

"I didn't walk out on my family. My family walked out on me!" Sam said.

"Really Sam? Because I don't remember getting one phone call from you." Dean told him. "Dad was the one who said don't come back. Me, I still needed my little brother. I still wanted to know he was safe every night before going to bed." Dean's eyes were filled with unshed tears. "You don't know how many times it kept me up, to the point where I was almost glad dad had gone missing, so I finally had some reason to talk to you." He smiled, but it wasn't of happiness. It was one of regret and guilt.

"Dean.. I didn't know.. Why didn't you just tell me?" Sam asked.

"I thought you were done with me, Sammy." Dean said another sad smile.

"I'd never turn my back on you, Dean, after all you did for me. All that you gave up just for me..." Sam said. He looked down then frowned. "But I guess I did huh?"

"It doesn't matter, don't worry about it." Dean told him starting the car back up.

"Why do you do that?" Sam asked.

"What?"

"When we're arguing you'll argue your point to the fullest extent, but whenever I- anyone admits they were wrong.. You ignore them or act like it's no longer important." Sam explains.

"Try to remember Sam, actions speak louder than words." Dean tells him. Then he gets back on the road, driving once again.

#

_'Let me grab my fucking coat, Anything to have each other's goats,_

_Why we always at each other's throats?'_

"If you walk out that door, don't come back." John said.

"Dad!" Dean objected.

"No Dean. If you walk out that door don't come back." John repeated.

Sam's hand still on the door knob. He looked back at his brother and his father. His eyes filled to the brim with unshed tears. He frowns at his father and turns back to the door twisting the knob. "I'm sorry." Then opens the door. "But I can't do this my whole life, I just can't." Then he's out the door and walking away.

Dean looks between his father and the door his brother left out of. Was his father really going to sit by and let this happen? He shook his head. Dean ran out the door and down the steps just catching Sam, before he got into his car. "Sam don't do this." Dean pleaded.

"I have to. I can't keep following order after order from are so called father, and I can keep hunting things the rest of my life." Sam got into the car. "I'll cya later, Dean." He then put the key in the ignition. He backed out, shifted gears, then road away.

Dean watched the old school black Camaro go until it was just a spec he could no longer see. There were tears coming down his face. He could taste their saltiness. "Sammy no..."

#

_'Still got a ways to go, _

_back to grandma's (Bobby's) house it's straight up the road,_

_And I was the man of the house, the oldest, _

_so my shoulders carried the weight of the load'_

"I'm sorry boys, but your payment for this hotel room is 2 days overdue. You'll have to leave by tomorrow morning, or I'm calling child protection services." Muriel told them.

"Yes ma'am." Dean said trying to be respectful, so that the woman wouldn't want to kick them out sooner. She closed the door behind her and left.

"What do we do now Dean?" Sam asked. "It's snowing outside." Sam is only 9, and Dean was 13. They couldn't exactly do much about their situation.

"I guess we should call Uncle Bobby..." Dean said. He picked up the motel phone and dialed Bobby's number. "Hey Bobby, This is Dean." A pause. "I'm fine.. This motel room is overdue. The lady wants us out by tomorrow morning." Another pause. "Alright.. Bye." Dean hangs up the phone.

"Uncle Bobby will be here in 12 hours." Dean told him.

"But Dean it's 8:00 already. He won't get here till tomorrow morning. We're going to have to sit in the snow." Sam said.

"I know Sammy..." Dean said. "Let's get you into bed, okay?" Dean told him. Sam nodded still unhappy about their predicament. He fell asleep after about an hour though. Dean stayed awake for about two more hours before falling asleep on the couch while watching tv.

The next morning, the lady came in at around 6:50am. Which meant an hour and ten minute wait in the snow. Dean tried to reason with her for an hour more in the hotel, because their uncle was picking them up. But the mean old woman said they had stayed long enough, and if they stayed for any longer the only person picking them up would be child services. Dean nodded sadly there wasn't much he could do, other than kill her but that was a bit extreme. He did snatch the covers off the bed however, the woman tried to stop him, but he let the sun gleam a little on the knife he had with him. She backed up and glared at him while he took the blanket.

Now they were out on a bench waiting for Bobby. They were freezing even with the blanket and their jackets they were cold and wet. "It'll be alright, Sammy." Dean comforted. He took off his coat and gave it to his little brother. He had a sweater on so he figured he could last an hour without getting frostbite.

"But Dean you'll freeze," Sam objected.

"It's alright, Sam. It's just a little cold, besides Bobby will be here in an hour." He wrapped his arm around his baby brother to try and help him warm up a bit while they waited.

#

_'At the time I was angry,_

_Rightfully maybe so, never meant that far to take it though,_

_'cause now I know it's not your fault' _

"I'm going to go out and get some breakfast." Dean told them. He was smiling. They were finally back together, and even though he knew this probably wouldn't last long. He was going to make the best of it and milk it as long as possible. He walked out the door and left getting into the impala.

"Hey Sam?" John said.

"Yeah?" Sam asked.

"I just want you to know... I'm sorry." John told him. "I shouldn't have told you that, the day you left for college." He explained.

"You don't need to apologize. I walked out on you guys, and I'm sorry." Sam said.

"No Sam, you didn't. You walked out on the family business, and for that I made you walk out on us. There should be a fine line between the family and the family business." John sighed. "I just got so caught up in revenge it started to mend together." He told him. "You didn't deserve what I told you, and neither did your brother. He stayed up for so many nights... He finally passed out from exhaustion, a week later though."

"It's alright dad. You just wanted to protect me." Sam told him looking down.

"I know... And Sam I'm sorry I wasn't there for you and your brother when you were kids. You didn't have a mom, and I was a lousy father. You deserved better. I'll always love you boys though, no matter what." Sam smiles and hugs his dad. It's really all he ever wanted hear. John hugs back and when he pulls away he smiles at his son. "You know your mom would be proud of you, Sam, just as I am."

"I know dad.. I know." He wiped some of the tears that came down his face. It was all he ever wanted hear, but most of all he was just glad his dad forgave him for that day, and that he understood why he did it.

#

_'But now the medications taken over,_

_And your mental state's deteriorating slow,_

_And I'm way too old to cry, that shit's painful though'_

Dean watched as Bobby lay in that hospital bed dying. He couldn't bring himself to terms with the fact that this maybe the last time he ever sees him. Tears slide down his cheeks as he holds Bobby's hand. "Please Bobby you gotta pull through.." Dean rests his head in his hands, he's thinking back to what the doctor said.

"People don't usually make it out of these things sir..."

He had to make it out. He just had too. They couldn't lose anyone else. Everyone they knew was pretty much dead already. What was he supposed to do though? He could do nothing, nothing but wait. He wiped his tears away. Wait and be positive. He had to believe Bobby would make it, he always did. Sam was already losing hope.. But hope was really all they had left.

Dean ran his fingers through his hair. Bobby can't die.. He just can't.. He.. Dean looked up wide eyed to see that Bobby had opened his eyes. "Sam!" He called his brother instantly. Could it really be possible Bobby was alright? He ran over to him, and Sam ran into the room and stood next to Dean leaning over Bobby. Bobby reached for something paper? Dean handed it to him, and Sam got a pen. Bobby quickly scribbled down some numbers then with a smile he looked up at his boys. "Idjits.." He said then the last thing Dean wanted hear, he heard, that long beep.

"No Bobby!" Dean yelled. The doctors tried to push them out of the room and talk to them, but Dean wasn't listening. He could feel something pushing against him and hear people trying to talk to them and hear doctors yelling out orders. He couldn't make out any of it though, all he could hear was that beep and Bobby laying there his chest unmoving, Bobby laying there dead...

The world came back to him all at once he felt dizzy and sick. Finally they had gotten some male doctors to push him and Sam completely out the room. They closed the door to it and ordered them to go sit down. Dean shook his head, but instantly regret it as he felt another wave of nausea come over him. "No, I have to help Bobby! I can't leave him!"

"Sir we're trying our best." The nurse tried.

"Well that's not good enough!" Dean yelled. Sam took his brother and sat him down. He was scaring the poor nurse to death. She quickly ran off to deal with less pressing matters.

"Dean, you have to calm down before they kick us both out. They already told me about the incident with the doctor, and you breaking some frame with his head." Sam told him.

Dean scoffed not really caring. He sat down though, he knew there really was nothing he could do than to hope they got his heart to start again, but he know that hope was fading and it was gone as soon as a doctor came in. "I'm sorry, he didn't make it..." The doctor said. Dean's head fell into his hands. He wanted to cry, but he wouldn't let himself not in front of Sam. Sam put his hand on his brother's shoulder, but Dean got up and pushed passed him and left out of the hospital. Sam of course followed.

#

_'All you did, all you said, you did your best to raise us both'_

Dean is 10 years old, and Sam is 5. It's around 7:00pm. Dean gives Sam a bowl of spaghetti o's. "But I don't want spaghetti o's, Dean, I want cereal." Sam whines.

"But I haven't had any yet, and you've eaten almost the whole box." Dean argues. Sam bows his head looking at the bowl in front of him sadly. Dean sighs and picks it up throwing it in the trash. Then he gets a bowl and pours cereal and milk in it, sliding it over to Sam. Sam begins to eat it happily.

Dean makes himself a baloney sandwich. He hates them, but there isn't much else to eat. He washes the dishes afterwards, and tells Sam to go to bed. Sam nods and leaves the kitchen to go to sleep in the motel bed. He lays down and falls asleep in about 10 minutes. Dean has finished washing the dishes, and comes to lay down in his bed.

At around 10:30pm Sam jolts up from bed with a scream and tears running down his cheeks. Dean jolts up from all the commotion and turns to see his baby brother in a ball crying. Dean goes over to him and he's about to sit on Sam's bed to comfort him, till he realizes he smells urine. He ignores it and just stands by his little brother. "You okay, Sammy?" His little brother only shakes his head. "You want to talk about it?" Sam shakes his head.

"I'm sorry I'm such a cry baby, Dean." Sam says through tears using one of the things Dean always says to pick on him.

"You're not a cry baby, Sammy. Believe it or not I've had bad dreams, I cry from too." Dean tells him.

"Really?" He asks. Dean was like the toughest person he knew next to dad. He was way tougher and smarter than all the other kids at school and everyone always thought he was cool. Sam had always looked up to him.

Dean smiles and nods. "More than once after.. the fire." His smile fades away.

"Oh," Sam says. He doesn't really remember his mom, but it still makes him sad. They're silent for a while.

"Hey, let's get you out of those clothes, okay?" Dean says. Sam nods. He takes his little brother's hand and starts the bath water for him. When it's warm he tells Sam to take off his clothes and get in and if he needs anything to call him. Then Dean leaves the bathroom to go take care of the covers and sheets. He didn't want dad to be mad about the pee, so he striped the bed down and flipped the mattress over, but not before spraying the pee side with some bleach to get rid of the odor.

When Sam got out the bathroom and came out in some dinosaur pajamas, Dean told him not to open the door unless it was him. He was going to go get the blanket and sheets washed at the laundry matt.

"Can't you do that in the morning, Dean?" Sam asked. "There are tons of bad guys out there trying to rob people at this time."

Dean knew he was probably right, and it wasn't like Sam would want to sleep in his own bed tonight. Dean nodded and put the blanket and sheets in the tub for tomorrow and closed the door. He didn't want the whole place to smell like urine.

He went back to his bed and laid down. Sam looked hesitant about something, so Dean patted the spot next to him for his little brother. Sam smiled and ran over to his brothers bed. "Thanks Dean." Sam said.

"I'll always be here for you, Sammy, you know that." Dean told him.

Sam smiled and hugged his brother. "I love you, Dean." Dean wasn't really one for emotions and all, but his brother just had a dream that terrified the hell out of him. And considering what he just said he was pretty sure he must've died in that dream, so he'd let his brother have this moment.

"I love you too, Sammy." Dean said hugging him back. Then Sam rolled over and went to sleep, and Dean did soon afterwards.

#

_'And as you left I had this overwhelming sadness come over me,_

_As we pulled off to go our separate paths,_

_And I saw your headlights as I looked back,_

_And I'm mad I didn't get the chance to thank you for being my Mom and my Dad'_

Dean and Sam open the impala doors to get inside. Bobby has just lost his wife again, and he has told them both to just go. Dean wants to stay and help, but he knows all he has been doing so far is pitying him, and he knows if he was in that boat he wouldn't want anyone to do that to him either. He closes the door as he sits in the driver's seat.

"You know.. It's amazing how short hunter's lives tend to be, yet we hold grudges against are loved ones for so long until it's too late to say we forgive them." Dean says sort of out of the blue.

Sam looks over a little surprised. "Yeah I know.."

Dean looks down at the steering wheel. He didn't want it to be that way with Bobby. He'd call Bobby and if he didn't pick up, well he'd come over here. It wouldn't end like this, not on his watch.

"You know that was pretty deep Dean... I think you're getting soft." Sam jokes.

Dean laughs and playfully punches him in the arm. "Whatever, let's go." He starts the car up. 'I'll be back soon..' He thinks.

Bobby watches in the window as the car drives off. "Cya later, Idjits."

#

_'So if I'm not dreaming, I hope you get this message that I'll always love you from afar'_

Sam has just rolled up on campus. He goes to the main part to get his key and leaves upstairs to go to his dorm room. He takes the bed next to the wall. Dean always takes the bed closest to the door, so he can protect Sam. Sam sighed he was still stuck in his old ways, but that was alright. This was just a new beginning, not him running away. He told himself. He began unpacking his bags when a sheet of paper fell out. He picked it up. He didn't remember putting it in there. He unraveled it and read it.

**Dear Sam,**

**If you're reading this then you've left for college. I wrote the a while back when you first started talking about the place. I just wanted to tell you man, me and dad are going to miss you. You'll always have a place here, no matter what okay? I'm pretty sure you didn't just leave in the night, and that you and dad had some major fight. But if you ever need anything don't hesitate to call me, no matter what happened back there you'll always be my brother, and I love you and I'm proud of you. **

**Dean**

Sam eyes filled with tears. Should he really have just left like that? Left his big brother who had cared for him since he was a baby.. He sighed. He wasn't sure if he could ever face his brother after this. He just left him, and he had begged him not to go.. A tear slid down his cheek. He wished things didn't have to be this hard. He heard the door open, and he pulled himself together. He didn't need his roommate to think he was a cry baby too. He smiled at the old nick name he use to hate.

#

_'I want a new life (start over),_

_One without a cause,_

_So I'm coming home tonight,_

_Well, no matter what the cost..'_

Dean is driving to the house he knows Sam is staying at. He needs his help dad has gone missing. He presses on the gas driving faster. He needs to hurry for all he knew their father could be dead, and he wasn't even sure if Sam would help him or not. He just wanted it to be back to normal, like old times the three of them together again. He pulled up in front of the house and parked the impala. He got out and walked up to Sam's door. He picked the lock and went inside.

Dean looked around the place for a bit, it was a pretty nice place. His stomach growled. Maybe he should get something to eat, Sam won't mind. He goes over to the fridge and opens it. He takes out some left over ham and some macaroni. Then he looked over to the table. He smiled. Pie! "Thank you Sam!" He whispered. Going over to the table.

Sam woke up from his sleep. He though he heard something, so he got up. He heard more footsteps grabbing a bat he went down stairs.

Dean had finished his plate and was starting on his pie. "Mm, I love pie." He said happily. He heard someone coming down the stairs. He finished his pie in one bite then creeped over to the noise. He couldn't see all that great, but he could make out a person coming down the stairs. They had a bat.

Dean went around to find a light switch but in the process he bumped into Sam who apparently had the same idea. Sam immediately swung the bat and Dean ducked and pushed him against a wall. The light turned on. "Dean?" Sam asked.

"Hey Sam," Dean smiled.

"What're you doing breaking into my house?!" Sam asked. Jessica came down stairs.

"Sam what's going on?" Jessica asks.

#

_'I'll never say goodbye cruel world,_

_Just know that I'm alright,_

_I was not afraid to die..' _

"I'm willing to let this bastard and all the sons of bitches who killed mom walk because of you. Don't you dare think that there's anything past or present, that I would put in front of you. It has never been like that, ever. I need you to see that. I'm begging you." Dean told Sam. His eyes were filled with unshed tears as were Sam's. Sam nodded and they left out of the church leaving Crowley.

Sam and Dean are in the impala driving down the road. "I forgive you Sam." Dean told him.

"Huh?" Sam asked.

"When.. When you said how much you let me down. It's alright I forgive you." Dean explained.

"Is that why you kept reminding me how I didn't look for you?" Sam asked.

"Sam-"

"It's fine, Dean. I deserved it. Even Bobby said I should have looked for you, and I should have. I can't deny I was wrong, but it isn't fair for me to just tell you to forget about it. I was wrong, and I'm sorry Dean." Sam said.

"I know you are Sammy.." Dean nodded.

"Why didn't you let me do it? I mean I know what you said back there about mom and all that, but don't you think we should've looked at the bigger picture?" Sam asked.

"I'm going to be honest with you, Sam. If it was me, hell yeah, we should've looked at the bigger picture, but not when it's you. You're the bigger picture, you always have been. I'd be willing to die for you, hell everyone we meet is ready to die for you." Dean told him. "You know why? Because like I said before, if you can see a light at the end of this tunnel, I want you to get there. And I'll do anything to make sure you do."

There was long moment of silence before Dean had to get something else off his chest. "Sam look-"

#

_'...I want a new life...'_

Dean ran down the stairs carrying his baby brother. His dad came up after him and picked them both up and ran out of the house. It was on fire.

John sat on a bench with his sons in the cold. He was crying for his dead wife. Dean was crying too. Sam was still in Dean's arms. He looked confused like he didn't understand what was going on. "Don't worry Sammy, I'll always protect you, because your my little brother and that's what big brothers do. I promise." Dean told him. It was almost as if Sam had understood, because he smiled at Dean, and Dean smiled back through tears. He would never let what happened to his mother happen to his little brother.

_He would protect him... no matter what the price._

**THE END ( PLEASE REVIEW :D )**


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